Friday, April 24, 2009

Benj be fipin'

Heya! Heyo! Heyu?

Yes--hey you! Been missing us? Aw, yeah, that's what we thought, kids. Well, miss no more, 'cause DDB B BAC, k? (LOL.)

Srsly, though: Make no bones, blood, cartilage, muscles, hormones, lymph, enzymes, nerves, no major systemic organs about it--DDB is primed for action, reaction, malfaction, and redaction, baby. Especially that last one. I mean, "to put into suitable literary form"??? Quite frankly, I was more than half-spectin' a reference to yours truly on that page. Psst, hey. Hey Random House, think you forgot something. Yeah, that's right--#3. Here, allow me--

3. DDB.

Ahaha!! Ahem, wanna hear another funny? But not like a "it's funny because it's true" as in the aformentioned, but rather, a "this is so far from reality it's got me ROFLing to the point of ralphing! (LOL.) Ready? Okay--

4. FIPS.

Ahahahaha!! (Get it? Don't worry--you will soon 'nuff.)

Srsly, though, back to bones. Bones of the stripped-down, stark-white variety, that is--no cartiligenous hangers-on here! (LOL.) What gobbeldygook DDB be spewin' now, you ask? Gather 'round, my sweet pups--you're about to find out.

You see, once upon a time, there was a stale and hardened crust of a man known by those of supreme acumen and spit-polished character--there being, to my modest knowledge, two individuals accordingly endowed--as Benjifips. Old Benjifips lived in a cold, cold world, a world so insular and so dank that he couldn't help but turn out the same, vomiting refracted bits of his depraved existence onto those in the generally and sadly underperforming business of soft-blue kindness and blushing warmth. Now, of all the fine weaponry at his ready disposal--the loaded Sparks cans, blunted syringes, polluted canal waters--Benjifips vastly preferred the subtle springload of the written word. And whip it out often and showily he did, my friends.* What's that, Bobby? You'd like an example? Well, that's funny--I was but a second away from supplying one. Eyes on the screen, lovies--here 'tis:

Now, be not fooled by the flat and unimaginative moniker, "ngv1975," for this is he, my dears! Benj-incognifips! And the above-referenced comment in the wake of an utterly delightful "my home is your home" electronic message squeezed from the juiciest and lovingest of hearts (ahem, ours). I mean, really!

Oh, and did I mention this gleaming nugget of niceness? Granted, it followed this here,** but who be DDB to sit back and allow its freshly laundered (in holy water, LOL!), just pressed (between angel wings, LOL!!) image to get beat down, punched in, shit-smirched, and dragged Bfips-style through the foulest and muckiest of muds?!?

Because he started it! Oh, uh, kids? Don't expect that argument to fly, generally speaking and probably ever, really, in your case. But trust us, this is one instance, perhaps the only instance--the singular, el primo episode, if you will (will you? LOL)--requiring said recourse.

After all, we were only trying to help. Only trying to extend ourselves in peace and lovingkindness and blogospheric camaraderie.

And you know what? We'll keep on stendin'. Hecka, we'll go so far as to take it one step further (which isn't all that far I guess! although, come to think, DDB be striding long per indivij, LOL). Howso, you ask? By payin' homage. And in a FIPScentric universe, this involves a single predominant trait: brevity.

In such manner, I bring you the following: a shipshape, minimalist account cleaner than a CPO's dress whites (LOL!) of a recent dining experience I had at Fourth Avenue's Tomato & Basil.

~Bon Appetit!~

The End.


*To Be Continued?? Why, only Sir Benjifips has the answer to that.
**Hence "bones."


  1. Ahemmers! This be Benjifips himself, prostratin' and genuflectin' and in gen simp(le-mindedly! LOL)ly penance-servin' at the hem o' the sacred raiments o' DDB itself at the diffy realizaysh that I done spoke ill about a highly-regarded, much-followed / -beloved blogenomenon! Consider my genteel profile pic on FIPS sans the NJ state bird (LOL!) as me mind me ways movin' forward. No mo' puppy stew with Ewrecka (LOL again!!) for me, but only what the culinary coaches at DDB toss me way! (mmmmm, @ dat humble pie!!)

    Fo'give? Fo'get? maybe accept these words as evidish of a reformed, un(caps)locked, de-mindless-FIPSY-rant, verbosity-lovin' character? or maybe odd as (hehe, I mean "even as"!!1) as a writin' sample for some future DDBSY freelancin' work?!

    -Benjifips his FIPSY TIPSY DITSY self

  2. Bfips:

    DDB be in the business of fo'given, fo'shu, but fo'gettin? Fo'naw.

    However, plate us up a generous portion of pipin' hot Bfips Bolognese and you begot yourself a deal. (But save the puppies for Ewrecka. That shiz be fipsily fucked.)


  3. Benjifips here again LOL!! (why LOL? I dunno. I'm Benjifips not Einsteinyfips!)

    O Celestial Purveyors of All That Is Fine, Delicious, and Interesting (i.e. DDB), the shawl of your recent generosity and promise of REAL, UN-FIPSY publication, has not gone unworn. BFIPSY be already writing a massive editorial tome with upwards of thirty (count it, three to the z boogie) words (hypen-erated words count as two, yis?).

    Would be ready to post NOW but I had to kick some puppies, flip some preggers women the bird, and empty 10th st's recycling containers into the street. You know how I DO.

    Benjifips WHAT.