Thursday, March 5, 2009

We're not in Kansas (City) any more

Choo choo... chugga chugga chugga chugga CHOO CHOO...

Next stop: Jake's Kansas City Bar B Q Restaurant, where hyphens are apparently optional. LOL!

Ridin' the rails down Red Hook's sleepy <yawn> Columbia Street on a recent Saturday afternoon, this DDB conductor was compelled to alight in front of one of Brooklyn's more time-honored barbeque joints (not to be confused w/ Lookout Hill Smokehouse, or w/ Biscuit, for that matter--LOL; see previous post). I had happened upon some fairly promising reviews courtesy of a handful of other reputable food blogs (surprise--we're not the only BBOC*!! stick w/ us another month or so, however, and DDB will be "mopping the floor" and "wiping the counter" w/ these old bats), and I figured Jake's was at least as deserving as Pla-"something to drink for the octupus?"-ya. LOL. (See previous post.)

Sauntering in, I "tipped my hat" to those present, a jaunty lineup consisting of one "rested and alert" waitress, a few "behind the scenes" personalities harboring a conspicuous helping of interest (can I get some salt w/ that?!?) in the heralded arrival of yours truly, and a veritable chuck wagon of... not customers, that's for sure!! In fact, there were a whoppin' four of us total: myself and a trio of feisty young bucks (more on them later). Still, let's not forget, it was 2:00 p.m. on a dead-cold Saturday, and the "Columbia Street Waterfront" is no boom town to begin w/. LOL.

Cuing off the helpful gesticulating of my waitress, I quietly took my seat and set up shop, pleased w/ the expanse of table allotted me.

A minute more and I was zeroing in on the menu: a preserved, plastic-sleeved model ripe w/ (potentially!) delicious dishes. And, well, as much as I don't want to be "that person," I would be remiss, in the process subjecting DDB to all variety of withering commentary, if I failed to out the following:

There it is, clear as a crystal vase: ASSORTEMENT. WTF?! Is it intentional? A playful swipe at those malapropism-spoutin' Midwesterners ("ah sorta meant")?? LOL--j/k. Of course it's a mistake. Heck, I have to wonder if even I wouldn't misplace the occasional "e" if it were me rising w/ the cock-a-doodles at the crack of dawn, yanking my Carhartt in place as I soaked hickory chips and smoked all manner of delicious animal hide out in the great wide open. You know?? (For the record, fellow critics, I know they don't actually do it like this. We're in Brooklyn!! The closest we get to "Carhartt and smoking" is the Williamsburg bar scene. LOL!!)

Anyway, ride 'em cowboy: my food was a hit. I opted for a "small bite," being I was a scant hour out from a particularly "extreme bagel." Here's how it looked:

Chili, meet cheddar. A nice soft blanket of it. Er, except for along the perimeter, where its gooey interior morphed into something decidedly and satisfyingly crispy. This was a strong selling point for me--the delicate textural balance--as was the resonant tomato base of the chili itself: piquant, subtly spicy, and generally pleasing in flavor. The dozen or so tortilla chips served as a complement were "straight from the bag"; "Jake," if you're reading this, may I suggest "smoking" a little less and laying tracks in the kitchen a little more?! Really, though, making your own is a breeze: (Now that I think about it, still plenty of time for smoking!! LOL.)

Oh, there was also a miniature cornbread "loaf" served alongside, which was on the dry end of the spectrum but when dredged through those delicious beans, came out alright. And if you're wondering about the "centerpiece" of single chip and sour cream "smudge," I can in good conscience claim it as my own. Makes for a stunning photographic display, wouldn't you say??

Another tidbit I should include: the service. Interestingly enough, after emerging from the kitchen w/ my dish in hand, my waitress went AWOL all throughout the second half of my downhome dining experience. Now, in the wake of a solid week of mulling, I've basically figured it out: It was those cretins to the right of me, the "trio" to whom I previously alluded. Their language was despicable (the p-word was uttered w/ reckless abandon), their gestures of extreme ill-repute, and their menu selections vile at best ("slab" of this, "half-slab" of that). Not much to laugh at there, huh? (LOL. I stand corrected!)

Lastly, I did take some issue w/ the interior decor. Because while the color scheme--a festive "dance" of yellows, browns, and oranges--as well as a series of dazzling vistas framed and hung at regular intervals, a whimsical "twig wreath" of sorts, and that madcap Wall o' Tile pictured above, lend a certain "flair" to the establishment, a set of woebegone cafeteria-style furnishings comes nailbitingly close to canceling out said flair completely. Hell, I was nearly "committed" for Major Depressive Disorder!! (Psst, "Jake": I've got another little "wisdom nugget" for ya... LOL.)

Looks like I really cleaned up--must have been good!!

At any rate, ~Jake's Kansas City Bar B Q Restaurant~ appears to lasso up some good eats: Get in there and claim your spot at the trough. And, hey, make haste--before ol' Bessie crowds ya out. Oh, wait, she's more likely to be on your plate!! LOL.

And now...

Choo choo... chugga chugga chugga chugga CHOO CHOO...

Next stop... ?????

*BBOC: Big Blog on Campus!!!!1

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